also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
