Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
