my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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