quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
