I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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