True but thats because hes a fetus.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
