Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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