So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
