sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
