I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
