My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
