I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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