Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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