I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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