Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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