no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
