im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
