we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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