so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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