I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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