Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
