His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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