could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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