I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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