i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
