If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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