He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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