shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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