Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
