she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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