Non-Jews are for practice
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
