I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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