So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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