Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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