pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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