After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
