What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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