he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
