Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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