i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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