My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
