Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
