His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
