if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
