You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
