I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
