she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
