We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
