I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
