Can i not drive my cunt home
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
