i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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