Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
