Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
